An open letter to ex-CHC members

An open letter to ex-CHC members

1)       Coming full circle - Jeremiah 29:10-11

One of the verses Pst Phil used during his sermon last weekend, which my very first CGL Glyn Yeo gave me, Jer 29:11, and that's been my anchor verse for so long. From the time I got saved and received salvation, when I joined my first cell group, in City Harvest Church in 1999, until this year in 2019.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11

On Saturday, Pst Phil read Jer 29:10 and I got a shock.

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place." - Jeremiah 29:10

Because one night this year, I think it was a Sunday night after a devotion session, I am not even sure if it was a dream or vision. I thought I saw the Holy Spirit or an angel at the foot of my bed. A white glowing figure, radiating peace. And He didn't say anything. Initially I was shocked but then I felt the very familiar sensation, the tangible weight of the presence of God, and the holy fear of the Lord descended upon me. The figure just stood there for a few seconds and then it wasn't there.

Then today during service when I read the verse during the sermon, I felt the Lord say, “Remember that night, that was Me. I came to You, and fulfilled my promise (Jer 29:11, the first verse I had as an anchor when I first became a Christian) to bring you back to this place. This place is called City Harvest Church.”

I started crying suddenly, and I think people sitting next to me were a bit surprised.

I know it sounds crazy. Maybe it sounds very flaky. Even I can't believe it entirely. But I felt that, this is from the Lord, things have come full circle. The verses have connected, a complete cycle has happened.

The first phase of my walk with God was good, I have experienced the goodness of God these past 19 years, but the next phase is about to begin. I am truly excited for the things yet to come!

2)       A soldier in the army of God

When I went home, I felt a little bit confused at the apology from Pastor Kong. There was conflict between my heart and my mind. My heart and probably my spirit was touched and felt that the apology was genuine, that I should welcome Pastor back to church, as what everyone else was doing. He does seem very sorry.

However my mind reeled from the words spoken. Pastor said he was sorry for everything that has happened, for the pain, disappoint or grief which the church felt, for the difficulties which the church went through because of him, how thankful he was for all the support given to him, etc. But he did not say that what he did was wrong, and he did not say that he was sorry for what he did. There was no admission of wrongdoing.

I checked with my close friends in church, my cell leader, etc. How did they feel regarding the apology? Am I the only one who had such conflicted thoughts? Am I in the wrong to think like this, is pride getting in my way of accepting the apology?

Then I felt God rebuke me in a gentle manner, saying, did I not say that I want to be part of the army of God? In joining Missio Dei, don’t I want to be a part of the mission which He has for City Harvest Church?

I answered, yes, of course Lord!

Then the Lord replied, then who are you to question my choice of leadership for the army of God? If an army general makes a mistake, and thousands of soldiers die, does it mean he was a bad general, or that he has achieved his objective? Do you understand the objective that God has placed into your leaders’ hands? Does a soldier’s opinion matter to the decisions made by the general?

“Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no benefit to you.” - Hebrews 13:17

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.” - Rom 13:1

After this rebuke, I immediately replied to my CGL and my close friends, that my question is purely based on a personal interpretation, from a legalistic point of view. That my decision to remain in CHC, to go to SOT in 2020, to serve in ministry, to do everything that I have to do in obedience to God. Those convictions do not change, and will not be affected by my conclusion on the apology given by Pastor Kong.

Honestly, this is a tough pill to swallow. How I wish that my heart, mind and spirit are able to come to the same conclusion, and that I don’t need to fight a constant battle in my head. I find it so difficult to remove the seeds of doubt that remain, on whether the apology was a real one or not.                                                                  

But nevertheless, like what Jesus said at the Garden of Gethsamane, I have to learn to pray, not my will but Yours, Father God, be done. I am naught but a solider in the army of God, use me as Your vessel, to do what You need to do, for me to fulfil my calling on this earth.

Pastor Kong, I may not agree with everything which you have done in the past, I may not even accept the apology in its totality, but I forgive you and the entire team for whatever has happened. I believe that there are many like me out there, who wish to come back but are conflicted about many things. I pray that they will get their own revelations from God, and if CHC is where they are meant to be planted, that they come back, as the next move of God is about to begin. I pray that Pastor Kong and the leadership have learnt valuable lessons from the whole episode, and will ensure transparency and accountability, moving forward into the future. May the love of God surround you and your families always, and may you find the strength to lead the church into its next phase, to fulfil the Great Commission and obey the Great Commandment.