It's the beginning of 2020, hallelujah!
Dear God,
I suppose it's a bit late to talk about goal setting, or to review my 2019, but then again, they always say, better late than never.
Overall, I would say 2019 has been quite a good year for me. I mean, I got to do so many new things on mission trips, experience God move in so many ways which I am honestly still quite in disbelief that it really happened, sometimes when I excitedly explain to someone about my mission trip experiences, I tend to hear a small voice in my head saying, "Are you really sure that happened? Do you think that perhaps, there's a possibility that things are sort of blown out of proportion? Are you just excited because things happened which you didn't expect, but it isn't really God, but a possible alternative explanation? Are you sharing about how great God is, or about how great you are, your ego and pride being boosted by how God used you? Are you going on mission trips to feel good about yourself, or because God asked you to?"
I still get doubts, I don't have bullet-proof faith.
But it doesn't matter. The Bible never said that you need to have bullet-proof faith in order to serve God or please Him. Matt 17:20 says that you only need mustard seed faith. I think I have at least some mustard seed faith!
Thing is, I don't feel so good since stepping into 2020.
And that is in addition to the physical sickness. Yes, I fell sick with runny nose, sore throat, headache, the works, since last Wednesday. I don't think I've been so seriously sick before in 2019. But anyway I digress.
I'm walking into 2020 based on faith and obedience, because things aren't exactly going super well.
Things sounded great back in early 2019, when I decided, yeah I'm going to go to SOT! Joan approved, and I have enough savings to last me a year without working if necessary, so even if my boss or my company does not approve my half work day, it doesn't matter, I'm still going to go for SOT. But frankly, those actions aren't declarations of faith. Those are based on calculated resources. Where's my act of faith?
I guess I have to live by faith now, when it actually is 2020 and my company still has not approved my half day work application.
When I committed myself to lead Publications team in MDH, despite worrying that I might drop the ball if I was too busy.
Even worse, I did not hear from God to go for any mission trip in 2020 at all! This is kind of different from 2019, when I felt God prompt me go sign up for specific trips. Is there something blocking me from hearing from God?
But then again, some wonderful things have happened.
Leonard came for Christmas and got saved, attending cell group and service somewhat regularly now.
Ee Laine went for Christmas services at Trinity Church with her own friends, without any prompting from me, and when I felt prompted to bless her with the ear phones, she seemed to think that God has answered her prayers. So I guess God is still working through me, but not as clearly and obviously as last year.
Jessie and Glen came for cell group last week too, so that's another surprise. To be honest, I still have not figured them out, whether they are really coming for God or the fellowship or any other motive, I still do not know. But as long as they're coming willingly, I assume the best, that they can only be motivated to seek Your presence, to worship You and to learn more about You.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I find things to be thankful for. But once you start feeling that life sucks, then everything seems to also suck. Once I start being thankful and praying for people, the more I see God move in their lives and in my life as well. I think it is pretty amazing, the power of thoughts.
I am thankful for Xiaoqi and Xiaoheng who opened up their home for us for thanksgiving cell group. I am thankful for Kaci and Laiyong as well, who came for cell group several times, even though Laiyong probably didn't feel like it. God I pray that you use me or whoever you need to use, to impact their lives and bring them back to church, let them remember Your presence and power.
I also pray for myself, that I have complete healing in Jesus name, and that I will not fall sick for the rest of 2020, as long as I take care of my health properly. It is not Your will that I get sick, but it is Your will for me to walk in divine health. So I pray you take away every lethargic feeling, every sore throat, every headache, every runny or blocked nose, in Jesus name. Amen!!!
Edit: So at 3:45 pm I volunteered to do testimony section for cell group even when I didn't feel like I have anything to share, but almost immediately after that, at 5 pm, HR told me that my application for half day work is successful! Thank You Jesus!!! I will remember this lesson, I will preach it one day to whoever You want me to!
I suppose it's a bit late to talk about goal setting, or to review my 2019, but then again, they always say, better late than never.
Overall, I would say 2019 has been quite a good year for me. I mean, I got to do so many new things on mission trips, experience God move in so many ways which I am honestly still quite in disbelief that it really happened, sometimes when I excitedly explain to someone about my mission trip experiences, I tend to hear a small voice in my head saying, "Are you really sure that happened? Do you think that perhaps, there's a possibility that things are sort of blown out of proportion? Are you just excited because things happened which you didn't expect, but it isn't really God, but a possible alternative explanation? Are you sharing about how great God is, or about how great you are, your ego and pride being boosted by how God used you? Are you going on mission trips to feel good about yourself, or because God asked you to?"
I still get doubts, I don't have bullet-proof faith.
But it doesn't matter. The Bible never said that you need to have bullet-proof faith in order to serve God or please Him. Matt 17:20 says that you only need mustard seed faith. I think I have at least some mustard seed faith!
Thing is, I don't feel so good since stepping into 2020.
And that is in addition to the physical sickness. Yes, I fell sick with runny nose, sore throat, headache, the works, since last Wednesday. I don't think I've been so seriously sick before in 2019. But anyway I digress.
I'm walking into 2020 based on faith and obedience, because things aren't exactly going super well.
Things sounded great back in early 2019, when I decided, yeah I'm going to go to SOT! Joan approved, and I have enough savings to last me a year without working if necessary, so even if my boss or my company does not approve my half work day, it doesn't matter, I'm still going to go for SOT. But frankly, those actions aren't declarations of faith. Those are based on calculated resources. Where's my act of faith?
I guess I have to live by faith now, when it actually is 2020 and my company still has not approved my half day work application.
When I committed myself to lead Publications team in MDH, despite worrying that I might drop the ball if I was too busy.
Even worse, I did not hear from God to go for any mission trip in 2020 at all! This is kind of different from 2019, when I felt God prompt me go sign up for specific trips. Is there something blocking me from hearing from God?
But then again, some wonderful things have happened.
Leonard came for Christmas and got saved, attending cell group and service somewhat regularly now.
Ee Laine went for Christmas services at Trinity Church with her own friends, without any prompting from me, and when I felt prompted to bless her with the ear phones, she seemed to think that God has answered her prayers. So I guess God is still working through me, but not as clearly and obviously as last year.
Jessie and Glen came for cell group last week too, so that's another surprise. To be honest, I still have not figured them out, whether they are really coming for God or the fellowship or any other motive, I still do not know. But as long as they're coming willingly, I assume the best, that they can only be motivated to seek Your presence, to worship You and to learn more about You.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I find things to be thankful for. But once you start feeling that life sucks, then everything seems to also suck. Once I start being thankful and praying for people, the more I see God move in their lives and in my life as well. I think it is pretty amazing, the power of thoughts.
I am thankful for Xiaoqi and Xiaoheng who opened up their home for us for thanksgiving cell group. I am thankful for Kaci and Laiyong as well, who came for cell group several times, even though Laiyong probably didn't feel like it. God I pray that you use me or whoever you need to use, to impact their lives and bring them back to church, let them remember Your presence and power.
I also pray for myself, that I have complete healing in Jesus name, and that I will not fall sick for the rest of 2020, as long as I take care of my health properly. It is not Your will that I get sick, but it is Your will for me to walk in divine health. So I pray you take away every lethargic feeling, every sore throat, every headache, every runny or blocked nose, in Jesus name. Amen!!!
Edit: So at 3:45 pm I volunteered to do testimony section for cell group even when I didn't feel like I have anything to share, but almost immediately after that, at 5 pm, HR told me that my application for half day work is successful! Thank You Jesus!!! I will remember this lesson, I will preach it one day to whoever You want me to!
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